At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
