You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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