even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i've created a new STD.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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