I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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