the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
