You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
