Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
