Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
