Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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