Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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