Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
