I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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