So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize