So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
