It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
