well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
