I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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