the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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