i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
