I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two words: blizzard sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
