i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
