My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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