Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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