how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She bit a glass in half.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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