i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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