what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
be right there i have to get my cape
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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