Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize