We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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