Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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