I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
