I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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