Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
