This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
