So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
