This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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