Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
