i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
