Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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