My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
