Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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