If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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