can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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