Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
