WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
