and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
