I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize