grandma shit on top of the toilet
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
