True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
