I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
