she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
