you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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