I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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