I accidentally burped into my bong.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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