My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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