Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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