Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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