everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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