I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
