My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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