I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
