So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Listen all we did was not even pretend we arenāt each otherās type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
