I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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