the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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