Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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