I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
