Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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