the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
