You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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