sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
